Inspired by his students’ feelings of acceptance, Bartleby makes the flash decision to proceed with the fake college and welcomes the students to South Harmon Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T.). South Harmon students answer Bartleby’s question: “What do you want to learn?” I’m asking you this, because I have a hunch that no one ever asked you that before. Write it on the Board! Bartleby argues passionately that freedom and creativity are more important than “fancy highbrow traditions.” Judge us by who we are and not by the way we look. We are not like them, and DAMN proud of that fact! Do I have to spoon feed it to ya? Look, there’s only one reason that kids want to go to school, to get a good job, with a great starting salary.
Areas of Study
S.H.I.T. offers fully personalized study programs to its students by asking them “What do you want to learn?” Based on the students’ inner reflection, they develop their own classes and study plans and write them on a LARGE white board.
Culinary Arts
Glen came to S.H.I.T. after receiving a score of 0 on the SAT and being fired from his job at the “Qwick and Stop” for trying to create a shrimp slushie (he was both hungry and thirsty). At S.H.I.T., he explored new and innovative combinations of flavors of food, (his first creation was GlenWads, said to “contain every delicious flavor in every single bite.”) and eventually incorporated classic techniques into his repertoire.
Visual Arts
During summer camp when he was young, Hans Holloway carved an award-winning wood sculpture but was soon discovered for his athletic talent and was never able to pursue sculpting and woodcarving. He chose this as his area of study at S.H.I.T.; and a division of the school, the “Hands Holloway School of Art” is named after him.
Music
A former member of the United States military who attended S.H.I.T. brought his love of rock-and-roll and classic rock music to the school and teaches numerous classes on “the music and lyrical angst of a lost generation, and we rock our faces off.”
Engineering and Physics
S.H.I.T. has a skateboarding half-pipe, built by two of its students, Dwayne and Wayne. Presumably, they have also pursued other engineering projects around the campus. When the meeting for accredidation had come around, they both had helped B. by telling them that
Nothing
This area of study is headed by Rory Thayer, who noted that since first grade, her entire life has been scheduled. At S.H.I.T., she studies meditation techniques and other methods of relaxation. Abernathy Darwin Dunlap (A.D.D.) also followed this course of study. attention deficit disorder, with her new found friend “A.D.D”,caused him to be unable to sit still or pay attention to anything for more than a few seconds. When he arrived at S.H.I.T., he expressed a desire to “slow things down.” When he had started meditating with Rory, the only thing that could keep him from running again was a straightjacket that they found somewhere in the old mental hospital. He joined Rory in her meditation sessions and was eventually able to discipline his mind and body to relax without the use of physical restraints.
Fashion Design
A former exotic dancer, Kiki arrives and states that she wants to learn “something having to do with clothes…putting them on, taking them off. Im really good at that part, y’wanna see?” She is assigned by President Gaines to design the S.H.I.T. line of college attire.
Rise and Fall of Chevy Chase
This is what B. and his apparent “friend” talk about on the way to see him dorm room. Apparently a very popular class, because President “B” says that there is a waiting list for this course.
Entropy Projection
One of the more eccentric students arrives at S.H.I.T. with the desire to “learn to blow shit up with mind.”
Tuition
Tuition at S.H.I.T. is $10,000 per semester, or $20,000 per year.
Rory Thayer Meditation Garden
This area of the college is used for meditation for those involved in learning about nothing and cease their scheduled lives. Rory herself leads meditation sessions in this garden, as well as nature walks. Glen, head of the Culinary Arts department, provides snacks for nature walks.
Hands Holloway School of Art
Built after the school’s founding in 2006, the Hands Holloway School of Art can be presumed to house a very popular area of study (Visual Arts) because of its size as compared to other areas of the campus shown on screen. Outside the main entrance to the building is a large wooden African fertility sculpture, modeled after the first item carved by Hands during his studies at S.H.I.T and was also made by Columbus Shorts Character S.H.I.T Heads forever.
As stated by President Bartleby Gaines at South Harmon Institute of Technology initial accreditation hearing, “At South Harmon Institute of Technology , the students are the teachers.” South Harmon Institute of Technology curriculum is student-designed and student-taught. There is one “traditional” faculty member with an advanced degree, Dean Ben Lewis, a former faculty member at Harmon College. He often teaches classes in “street smarts” or consumer/citizen wisdom about subjects ranging from insurance to business to politics to skepticism of traditional colleges. It can be inferred that Dean Lewis likely holds a master’s degree of some kind, not a doctorate degree, as he mocks Dean Van Horne about his PhD at S.H.I.T.’s accreditation hearing.
FACULTY
Bartleby “B” Gaines – (Founder and Leader of South Harmon Institute of Technology).
Sherman Schrader III – (Founder of the college and second in command of South Harmon of Institute of Technology)
Hands Holloway – (Founder of the college and Head of Woodcarving and Art)
Ben Lewis -(Founder of the college and Dean of South Harmon Institute of Technology)
Glen -(Founder of the college and Head of Culinary institute)
Rory Thayer – (Founder of the college and Head of Philosophy and Meditation)
STUDENTS
Monica Moreland – (Photography Major and dating the leader of S.H.I.T. Bartleby ‘B” Gaines)
Kiki – (Fashion Major)
Freaky Student -(Science and Physicist Major and Wants blow things up with his head)
Dwayne and Wayne -(Mechanical Engineering and Skateboarding Major)
Maurice – (Rock Music Major)
